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1| The Love Shack
People should watch porn more often. It’s like a how-to course that gets you off. Of course, I don’t need any pointers, but most people could learn a thing or two from ’em, like Kyra, my summer hire.
“No!” she exclaimed, slamming the store door open.
She was slender like a fairy, but wore a tight black dress like she’d been at a cocktail party. My continual sex drive revved up to fifth gear as I stared at a rare show of cleavage from her. Not as busty as the women I usually liked, but I didn’t care. Her aqua eyes mesmerized me as much as any nymph’s, and her rose pink lips promised delicious kisses. The last rays of twilight framing her through the doorway cast red highlights in her light brown hair and made me wish I could comb my fingers through it. I was so hard I almost missed that she was yelling at me.
“There’s no way this advertisement is standing right by the door, Jazz. Have you lost your mind?”
My erection shrunk. I’d been waiting all day for her to see the ad for my porn movie, and she hated it. Okay, I don’t actually know if she could learn anything from a porn movie because we’ve never done the deed. I’ve imagined it a million times, but I have no idea what she’s like in bed.
She picked up the cardboard cut-out of yours truly and started marching towards me.
“Whaddaya mean? The porn movies deserve just as much press as the blockbusters.”
“Ohmygawd!” she exclaimed and tossed the advertisement halfway across the video store. “Is that you dressed up like a satyr?”
Dressed up? Feh. I am a satyr. The amazing feat is looking like a human every day.
I picked up the cut-out and said with a smile, “Pretty good, huh?”
“Horny Nights? Seriously? You couldn’t think of a better name for your amateur flick?”
Ouch. “Amateur? This was a professional gig.”
“Come on. They can’t even Photoshop good. Did they have to make it that big? That’s unrealistic even for porn.”
“Photoshop? That’s the real deal, babe.” Great. Now I sounded like Larry the Lounge Lizard.
“Put it in the Love Shack before I sue you for sexual harassment.”
I grabbed the cut-out and stomped through the store to the back room where I kept all the porn. I don’t know what possessed me to show it to her. She’s not a one-night stand woman, and anything beyond that is just bad news with a mortal. Watch Highlander if you don’t believe me.
I set the ad in the middle of the room and brushed minuscule particles of dust off my shirt with my hand. Who does she think she is anyway? It’s my shop, my porn. She can’t just waltz in here in that skirt and start ordering me…wait a minute. Why was she so dressed up? Oh yeah. She’d said she’d be late because she had a date. It must’ve gone badly. I wanted to feel sorry, but I’d been way too jealous of the date in the first place.
“Is that you?” asked a woman.
I jumped. I’d forgotten in the midst of being butthurt over Kyra’s reaction to my cardboard cut-out that a couple had wandered back here earlier.
But I rallied and pulled my shoulders back. “Yeppers.”
“Wow, you make a great satyr! How long did it take you to do the make-up?”
Now that’s what I’m talking about. I gave a sly grin and said, “Not too long.”
Her boyfriend was frowning at me, but I didn’t care. I soaked in the praise.
“I never would’ve recognized you except for the curly hair. Can I touch it?”
“Shelly!” her boyfriend exclaimed.
“I mean the hair on his head. It looks so springy.”
It was an LOL moment, but I took pity on her boyfriend. “There’s a policy here against touching the customers. You know, I think your boyfriend had a different sort of movie in mind.”
I started to show her the chicks-with-chicks shelf where her boyfriend was standing when the bells on the front door jingled. Automatically, I looked up at the security TV to see who had walked in. There was no one coming in or out as the door closed. Shit.
A vamp had just entered my store.